Since I am insane, and single, I am obviously on Tinder. Tinder might be a single girl’s easy way to date, but it is also, sometimes, very much hard work. I do have many funny Tinder stories, and a few one night stands under my belt but this story is not about that.
I met this boy on Tinder. Let’s call him Navy Boy 2.0 (Yes, there is a Navy Boy 1.0, more about him some other time). On the first date, we met at the local bar and had some drinks, when I say some drinks I must have had one and a half bottles of wine, a few rums and cokes and possibly gin and tonic. Even though, I think I am hard core and can drink a lot-in fact, I can’t. So, after a few drinks and several bars, I decided it was a good idea to take this boy home (as you do).
The tricky part is, I live with my mum and her room is next to mine. It is tricky to stumble to my house without her knowing I am drunk. It is even trickier to bring a man home, since you told her you went on the first date. So, I didn’t really want my mum to know I brought this random stranger home. Instead, my amazingly smart drunk brain came up with an idea that I will tell my mother I was bringing The Ex-Boyfriend home with me (what? why? wtf were you thinking?).
Since, I am a bloody good liar my mum thinks: 1. I am a whore (she actually used that term), 2. She thinks my Ex-Boyfriend and I might end up together again (which is not true), 3. I am so glad she is not so good with accents because instead of My middle class Ex-Boyfriend in my bed I had a cute Scottish man.
My second date (yes, there was a second date), I got pissed night before with My Ex-Boyfriend and told him I went home, but in fact I got in a taxi and went to my friend’s house and had lesbian encounters with her. So the next day, very hangover and puffy because of course apart from lezzing off with my friend I managed to cry a lot about The Man That Got Away. In actual fact, I spend a lot of time crying while drunk about him.
So, two hours late, I turned up at my date, not really in the mood. However, there is nothing that hair of the dog won’t fix. Navy Boy 2.0 is actually a very sweet guy. He is so sweet, very kind and soft. Like a teddy bear. And I think that is why in the beginning I was attracted to him. So, the second date was really good. We talked, he invited me to go to Scotland (!!!!). The date ended with him dropping me home.
After my second date I got talking to My Ex and told him I got the feeling that Navy Boy 2.0 was going too quickly and I was not ready for a relationship. I am not sure if you can be in the relationship while you in love with someone else. My Ex told to talk to him about what was going on and how I felt and to make sure he knows I am not ready for the serious exclusive relationship.
So I did, on the 3rd date I told him how I felt. He actually seemed cool about it. So we had drinks and I suggested to going local, because it’s close to my house. So off we went.
What a bad fucking idea! There is this Welsh Fishmonger (really he owns a couple of fish restaurants but hey) I would like to fuck, I met him at my local pub some time ago. He is part of the furniture there I think. But because it was Monday I hoped he wouldn’t be there. But of course he was there, because he is part of furniture there. On the other hand, my ex wasn’t surprised.
As we arrived at the pub I went and talked to the Fishmonger for a bit while Navy Boy 2.0 got us drinks. During this conversation I told the Fishmonger I was on date. The Fishmonger invited us to sit with him at the table.
At the table there were few other friends of Fishmonger and few ridiculously young looking girls. If not for their university hoodies I would have thought they were under age. Well, I hope they were above the legal age!!!
I think it is important to mention a fact that earlier during our date Navy Boy 2.0 and I talked about our experiences and Navy Boy 2.0 told me that he could not date a young girl and for him 19 was very young. Navy Boy 2.0 found it inappropriate that these 30+ year old men were sitting with these 18+ girls. Plus Navy Boy 2.0 also did not like that I was talking to another man, because during our first chat with the Fishmonger I realised that my desire for my date was gone and my date was gone too. So, as a good date that I was I went and found him smoking outside.
While we were smoking Navy Boy 2.0 became more tactile, I assume because I was kind of flirting with this other man. When we came inside situation haven’t changed and I carried on talking to Fishmonger and Navy Boy 2.0 became even more tactile, pulling me towards him.
At some point during this night we staked all our phones together and whoever was to take their phones first was buying a round. The Fishmonger managed to knock the tower of phones down and Navy Boy 2.0 tried to prove to Fishmonger that it was his round to buy. As I watched them argue they looked like a five year old children trying to prove something. I think Navy Boy 2.0 at that point tried to prove his manhood. I’ll give this to him he got us a free round.
On the other hand, five minutes after I was standing outside with a Fishmonger trying to arrange sex… and the Fishmonger was saying that he could knock my date out cold with a sardine…
So here it is boys and girls the THING you should not do on the date: DO NOT TRY TO ARRANGE SEX WITH A FISHMONGER (OR ANY OTHER MAN OR WOMEN) WHILE ON THE DATE WITH ANOTHER MAN. THIS NOT WHAT YOU DO!!! BAD ME!
We all went our different ways after a quite hilarious evening (I was drunk and the evening probably wasn’t that funny. At least my Ex didn’t think so when I rang him at 2am in the morning to relate every detail). I managed to get Navy Boy 2.0 in the taxi with some drama and I thought there was not going to be a 4th date. My Ex on the other, hand told me not to worry and that he will message me and he did few hours later apologising.
The message read:
Hey literally just woke up and remembered being a bit of an arse leaving your place my bad! Feel like a bit of a cunt had one too many wines. Anyway, my bad and thanks for putting me in the taxi. Sorry for being a knob at the end.
I messaged him back and said that I didn’t think there will be a 4th date.
First of all, clearly I wasn’t into the man as much as I thought; 2. He was too gentle (literally); 3. When I went off to chat to the Fishmonger and other people that were there, he was so protective and kept pulling me towards him. I didn’t like that too much. If I am drunk I like doing my own thing and if you a man that can control me- you will. You won’t need to physically hold me and kiss me to prove I am yours. I will behave. With Navy Boy 2.0 that wasn’t the case.
I still think, I acted as a bitch and should have not done that. On the other hand, it proves I wasn’t into the man that much.
Here it is, kids, if you are on the date please do not try to arrange sex with someone else while having a smoke outside.
Crying: 3 minutes
Attempts to contact him: 0, I emailed the link to this blog but I don’t count this as contact
Self medication with alcohol: 0
Love status: still in love
I think I should add a line how many time a day I think about him or how many times I want to share with him what is going on in my life.
I also got Instagram now: insaneandsingle and will share my updates on there too.
This blog was not planned just something that happened and I wanted to share, and I thought it was quite funny.
I promise to share the rest of the story about me and The Man That Got Away.
P.S. Today is a week since we haven’t had any contact… It is hard. I miss you and it is hard not talking to you baby…